Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My friends, they love my intelligence
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Randomize
