She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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