Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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