FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
