I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
