Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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