You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
