didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
