Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
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There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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