I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize