What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
