HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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