i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
