sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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