The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
