Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
pray to the hookup gods
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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