A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
