Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
no, he came in my armpit
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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