we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
