I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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