There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
