Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
