Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
