my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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