I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
