So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
