This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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