so let's talk penis.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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