forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
