Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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