Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
