i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
