I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
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You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We have started to decorate penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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