That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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