Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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