I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
