I'm eating all of the evidence.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
