Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We left the knife in your bed.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize