I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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