Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
