just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
