I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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