she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
