you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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