Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
