I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
