Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
