youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
