apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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