$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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