He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
