I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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