When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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