hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
