I cannot find my penis.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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