I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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