I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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