we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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