oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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