Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
