Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
