This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
