We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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