yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
