New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just blew my weed a kiss
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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