Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize