sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
