Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
