I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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