Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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