He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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