I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
