Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
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You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
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Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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