if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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