last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
