Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Randomize
